I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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