barbara walters just said penis...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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