I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
