Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
