He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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