Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
