haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize