one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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