So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
