i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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