Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
