Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize