Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
