tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
