i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
