You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
