we have officially lost it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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