i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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