You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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