So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
