Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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