so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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