I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize