whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
