This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
