i just sent this text using only my big toe
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The feeling are messing with the penis
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize