Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I yelled at your uterus for you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
