Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
