I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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