So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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