I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
