please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
