It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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