I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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