am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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