Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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