I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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