Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
