I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
