the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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