this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
