there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize