I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
