Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
