Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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