I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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