He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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