The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
