think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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