do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
