you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
