i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So many bounce houses so little time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
