Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
