Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
