Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
