it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
