i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
