Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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