i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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