Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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