are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
