I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
