He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
