he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
