I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
