...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
