babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
