I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize