Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Shame is for Republicans.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
