You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
