just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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