I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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