for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
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