So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
