I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
