I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
