Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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