I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
