I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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