? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
