i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
