I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
