I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
