did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
