Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
