Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize