in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
