Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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