It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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