Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
