im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
