I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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