Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
