I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
