I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
