I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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