after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
