I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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