i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
