was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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