This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize