It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
