Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
