Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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